Monday, October 02, 2017

Turning 30

Reaching the big 30 can be a challenging time. You just know things are going to change. Half of your life is possibly already over. But this is not the fact that bothers you the most, it is the people. I had heard my sisters say, and all of my friends who have a few years on me, that life will change once you turn 30. You wouldn’t be the same person, physically or mentally. But I never believed them. I always thought that my life would be different.

As I am nearing this milestone, I have started to realize… they were right. My life has already changed. I have a different set of people I hang out with all the time; they are called colleagues (Some of these beautiful people have however successfully been friendzoned). I get a hangover when I drink a lot (like A LOT). I can’t do all-nighters every weekend. And the best one… the one my mom made me believe that I will have mastered by now... I still suck at managing the home. I can’t cook, clean, take care of a child, go to work, cook again, and function on only 6 hours of sleep.


Honestly, I thought this would be more difficult… because I haven’t played by the rules. I am not married, not even close. And because I am not married, I surely don’t have kids (however I have a gorgeous niece and an amazing nephew whom I love more than I would have ever loved a child that would come out of my uterus). I am not a super successful novelist or way ahead in my career (because if I am not married, I better have some good excuse like I was focused on my career). But it wasn’t. What is difficult for me to accept is the part where your friends abandon you, where they get so busy that they cancel plans even when you are meeting after months. The part where they just don’t feel the way they used to when you used to cry in their arms after a breakup. (Oh yes, one more revelation of turning 30 is that you won’t cry anymore, at least not in front of people.) So your friend of many many years will become this person that calls you, or that you call, once in two weeks and says what’s happening in your life… aur bata.. theek hai I’ll call you later.

I know after reading all of this, it sounds like my life is too sad. But that’s the positive side of being 30 (and matured, if I may). You don’t care. You are the most independent and self-satisfied person in the world. You have your freedom. When you see your friends constantly cribbing about their spouses or about how they have failed as parents, you know you don’t have to feel that way. And when they are having their romantic vacations or dinner dates, you will be at a bar, with your people drinking, dancing, and then puking (aging is the worst), but having your kind of fun.

So I am turning 30 this month. I am single. I have namesake friends.  And I do not have even an idea of what I want to do in my career. I am definitely not where I thought I would be when I turn 30, but I am certainly who I thought I would be, or maybe even better. ;)

How Things Change...

How do I make this pain stop?
How do I stop these teardrops?
How do I be ok with this situation?
How do I love you without any conditions?

I am not as selfless as you might think,
I want your love, without any kinks.
I cannot live this life without you,
I do not want anything new.

I was happy with our old routine,
The one in which I was your Queen,
The one in which you loved me so dearly,
That without me, you could not see your future clearly.

But where has life got us now, 
It has changed so drastically, and how,
I don't see the love in your eyes anymore,
And you don't even know that I have fallen on the floor.

I have reached the lowest point of my life,
There is nothing I can do to keep this alive.
I guess it's time to say Goodbye,
And put an end to my heart's cry.

But before I go, I want to say this.
I will love you forever, you were my only bliss.


Monday, February 27, 2017

We all are a little selfish at the end of the day!

The other day a weird thought kept creeping up in my mind. And while usually, I don’t pay heed to such dreadful things, (because obviously, I will go crazy if I fall prey to the many tricks of my mind) I don’t know why, but I gave a lot of thought to this one. The question that was bothering me was. ‘What if I knew I was going to die soon?’ (I know this sounds a little extreme, but don’t we always say that life is too short) 

And the very next moment, I did not think about anybody in my life, not my parents, not my sisters, neither my niece (whom I love more than my life) and nor my pet (who is my life). Nope, I didn’t even think of my ex, whom I am supposed to still be in love with and neither did I think of my friends who have been a part of my life for more a decade.

Do you know what did I think about? I thought that I would want to travel to places I have never been to before. I would want to go and live in a small peaceful village in the hills. I know it sounds crazy, but what you would want to do in the last days of your life is truly what you want from life. It is what you need to do. Even if it means being disconnected from the world and running away to a remote town in some corner of the world.

But is this being selfish? I don’t know. But I think this is what is needed. It is better than being tired of doing things for people and not living the Life you wanna live. Some people will try to make you feel guilty about it. They will tell you that you have changed and that you do not care about them anymore. But don’t you listen to them. Feel free. Breathe. Be yourself. This is your life and you should not be judged for wanting to live it the way you want.